I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Please, let me fuck your mom
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize