Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
