It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
