There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
