you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
