Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
