i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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