just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
