I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
