And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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