Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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