Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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