Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
