i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Can I color on your dick again?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
