So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
