Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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