Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
