Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
