Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
