so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
