I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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