i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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