mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
