So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
