someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
