a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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