As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
