I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I love you. Go after that dick
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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