Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
