she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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