I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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