i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
