He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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