she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
