my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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