Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
