I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
