I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
