Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
