im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
