Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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