If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
