If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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