do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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