so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
