this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize