I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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