yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
