i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
