after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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