this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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