FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wish I only lived at night.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
