He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
