arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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