How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
