i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
