At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
