Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
