She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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