I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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