I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I looked at my own cervix.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
