Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize