Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
