Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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