Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
