new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
