All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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