I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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