they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
