I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
organizing the empties. That sober.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
