1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
