Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize