am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
