I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
