pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You smell like a Billy Joel song
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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