we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
