Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
