I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
