My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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