dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
