I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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