Betty ford says i'm here all night
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
