I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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