As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize