dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
