Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He passed out mid-signature
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
