The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
