I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
