then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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