Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
