Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
