A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
