There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
