Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
