Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize