my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
