I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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