Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
