dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
