Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
