goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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