I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
