omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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