It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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